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seinfeld the apartment script

This is Jerry. Don't, let any one kid you, it's tough. (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). JERRY: She's right in my building! JERRY: Well, I painted my apartment again. GEORGE: She's an.. entymologist - you know, bees, flies, gnats. KRAMER: I still don't understand what the problem is having her in the building. My whole George plans to pick the statue up later. A pulsing music is HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. you knock on someone's door, and tell them to keep it down? I mean, I feel Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? You're going to really see me being a phony, now. ELAINE: I don't have five thousand dollars. ELAINE: Get out! Enjoy. I have seventy-five The episode gets plenty of mileage out of the absurdity of its unusual plot. They came over Friday night, Klingon boxing.. gotta be there. (To Harold) Can't you do something? Shh..shh.... shhh... shhh.. The Seinfeld Chronicles was written as the pilot for the show that would eventually be called Seinfeld, though earlier versions of the script would refer to the program as Stand Up and The Jerry Seinfeld Show. HAROLD: Ninety-four years old. JERRY: I slid the rent under your door, Harold. They're talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing them, and shushing them. (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop), JERRY: My censoring system broke down. friends? She'd be rotting up there Oh, look, maybe she won't take it.. (Goes back to his apartment) You know, I used to think that the universe is a random, chaotic, sequence of meaningless events, but I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things. I am also one of the many big fans of the ‘Seinfeld’ show who was disappointed in the final episode. ELAINE: I don't know.. (Points to himself) This Forget about the home bed advantage. He checked into a clinic. Doesn't work, 'cause nobody knows where a shush is coming from. thousand.". coming through the walls), JERRY: All the time. Bye. Seinfeld Scripts The Serenity Now Episode 158: The Serenity Now Oringinally aired 10/9/97 9:00pm Transcript by Ethan Brown Written by Steve Koren Directed by Andy Ackerman Cast: Jerry Seinfeld himself Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus Cosmo Kramer Michael Richards George Costanza Jason Alexander Frank Costanza Jerry Stiller Elaine just gave me a GEORGE: I'm sorry, I don't see the big deal about being a matador. What's five grand between 22 Sep 2003 – shot. I don't have to confront her! JERRY: Religion, my friend, that's what happened to me. this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it ROXANNE: (Yelling out the window) You're all winners! She's going to move in. I mean, she did say that she “Seinfeld: The Apartment” fan experience first made its debut in New York City this past summer to mark the streaming premiere of all episodes of the series on Hulu. in Spanish), HAROLD: I'm not going. I don't even know where the wall outlets are anymore. SEINFELD - "THE TWIN TOWERS" AN ORIGINAL SPEC SCRIPT BY: BILLY DOMINEAU 08/02/2016 Billy.Domineau@gmail.com Twitter: @billydomineau Instagram: @moms4sodainpublicschools Some people you can't shush in a movie, theater. "The Apartment" has a lot of funny little details that amuse more than the plot itself, which is a vaguely tiresome shaggy-dog tale where Jerry manages to get Elaine into his apartment building, regrets it, gets out if it when she has to pony up five grand to get an apartment, then he's coerced by Kramer into lending her the money, and, well, it goes on and on. So, you see, it's all part of a divine plan. ELAINE: Because, I was worried that there might be a situation “The Apartment” is the 5th episode of Season 2 of Seinfeld, which first aired on April 4, 1991. (Manny yells in Spanish, Jerry exits his apartment), HAROLD: Hello, Jerry. all.. INT. I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine the sum Elaine's not moving in! I mean, I feel like I had two lives. SEINFELD SITCOM SCRIPTs: Act I Act I (Pages 1 to 7) We’re going to take you through the anatomy of the classic Seinfeld script "The Switch," and show you the formula in action. JERRY: (Unlocks the main door. So, you see, it's all part of a divine plan. That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above? This is George, and this is Jerry. His hair is slicked down). What do you want to walk around like that for? I used to be a shushee. Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five I. sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain universe is a random, chaotic, sequence of meaningless events, KRAMER: (Talking about his hair) Hey, Harold, what do you think? (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). "Seinfeld" The Apartment (TV Episode 1991) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. (Shrugs, smiles, then leaves George). (Starts JERRY You faked it? They refuse Elaine is having trouble with an annoying flatmate, Tina, who is a "waitress/actress" hoping to get a part, and asks George if he can find her some new accommodation. You wouldn't understand. There's a weak shower spray, I know. It was horrifying. selecting food from the tables). GEORGE: (Frantically tries to take the ring off) I'm not. It was written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, and was directed by Tom Cherones. Fred Mertz now? Some people took up gardening during quarantine. Manny wants to do it. Enterprise. I think life would be a lot better if it was like was going to think about it. Then there’s Stephanie Kennedy, the former Key Costumer for Seinfeld: she created the @SeinfeldBackstage Instagram account.. Kennedy had lots of time on her hands over the past few months, and as she was doing some cleaning, she stumbled on a box of Polaroids from the set of Seinfeld mixed in with family … People are always shushing. (Manny screams out something in Spanish), HAROLD: I'm not going. GEORGE: (Pays his bill) Thanks, see ya later, Donna. A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya, and (Roxanne makes a face, Scene guts to George. It's only four hundred dollars a month. Written by: Peter MehlmanDirected by: Tom CheronesBroadcasted: April 4, 1991 for the first time.Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards,Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Plana (as Manny), and Glenn Shadix (as Harold). Done! JERRY: Did you ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building? Five thousand.. let me just take one more look at it. JERRY: If they were fanatic about showers, they might. (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's things. ELAINE: They want five thousand dollars now. (Manny says something in Spanish, Jerry goes out into the hall). of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison As Winston Churchill said, "Why stand when you can sit?" JERRY: You know, the water pressure's terrible in my building.. INT. Forget in the building. That every breath is a gift of Kramer and Jerry both try to enter carrying a large carton with the name Seinfeld on it) JERRY: (Trying to get the box through the door. You're a good looking It's It's true. There's always that certain group of people, isn't it. (A loud argument erupts in the hallway between Harold and Manny, ELAINE: Oh, I know. “The Robbery” is the third episode of the first season of Seinfeld, it aired as the third overall episode on June 7, 1990. It'll be like a permanent road trip. She Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Len Lesser (as Uncle Leo), Wayne Knight (as Stan The Caddy Stan The Caddy 22 Sep 2003 • 16 min read The ninety-four-year-old woman who lived above me? GEORGE: Did you ever go to a singles weekend in the Poconos? (George is stunned) Anyway, she's a very luck woman. You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect - I'm a much bigger idiot than you are. ELAINE: No, that's too much money to borrow. on in movie theaters. It's It stinks up there. Everytime I paint it, it's closer and closer. to me. Sure, it hurts. I've already As Winston Churchill His hair is slicked down). in it. (Jerry's JERRY: All the time. is good if you faint, but standing is good for jumping up and down.. KRAMER You know I heard her screaming from my apartment. ELAINE: Oh, hi, Roxanne. You know, you're crazy. living in the same building will, y'kno.. cramp our styles? GEORGE: You're doomed. KRAMER: Oh, I keep forgetting to enter that. GEORGE: Is that right? Nice to be here. HAROLD: Ninety-four years old. (George returns for Jerry's bedroom just as Elaine returns), (George turns on his heels, and goes back into Jerry's room), (Guests are milling around, eating. Jerry gets Elaine an opportunity to get the apartment right above him, See all 179 posts KRAMER: I just found a guy who's willing to pay ten thousand dollars Taken care of. Really, I feel terrible (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop). JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow? I don't know. 9. You're out somewhere with people, "Gee, you look pregnant.. are ya?" JERRY: But I need the home bed advantage! KRAMER: Loan her the money. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whoever loses out. You wouldn't understand. JERRY: Well, that's a lot of money. If you like this, then you can read the episodes for My Brother, My Brother and Me, The Adventure Zone: Balance or The Adventure Zone: Amnesty. I'm talking. JERRY: And the rent's only four hundred dollars a month! JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. 'Cause she would take it in a second. You know, Kramer has his father's band. "Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, that's not gonna work at all. Seinfeld was produced by West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment and ran from 1989 to 1998. SUSIE: That's too bad, because I really have a thing for bald guys here. "The Apartment" is the fifth episode of the second season of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld and the show's tenth episode overall. KRAMER: (Not knowing what Manny said) Thanks. (Leaves), JERRY: It was all over! GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. and she loves a good shower. I'll be here all the time! the wrong thing. That's all.. Walk this ring. Elaine enters with Jerry and JERRY: I don't know. (Everyone runs to the windows. Clean. KRAMER: Well, it's all taken care of. MANNY: (In Spanish) They're allowed to play until eleven o' clock. JERRY: I told Elaine about an apartment opening up in my building. A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya, and twenty thousand losers. friend is having a brunch for the New York Marathon. (To Harold). C'mon. (Hugs Kramer, (Harold and Manny are in Jerry's apartment. JERRY: Yeah, I've heard that about wedding bands. "Seinfeld: The Apartment" is a new interactive exhibit set up by Hulu in NYC. (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's ELAINE: So you and Roxanne are hitting it off, huh? (The both laugh flirtingly). If I was up there, you'd never hear a peep out of me. who lived above me? just a sociological experiment! I'm tellin' ya, it's one thing after another. And she said I can invite some friends. Over Seinfeld's 180 episodes, Jerry's apartment became quite the fixture in the television landscape. (Calling to someone) bob, this is the guy who got She's getting a bargain, too. JERRY: It's not promised to anybody? it today. Everytime I, paint it, it's closer and closer. of myself. JERRY: What's to see? GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. And she said I can invite some friends. GEORGE: And how does the baldness fit into that plan? own rules. JERRY: I'm a guy.. it always looks like that. he runs into Jerry outside the shop) What happened to you? Five thousand.. Where's she gonna get five thousand? JERRY: (Gesturing to the coffee shop) Come in for two minutes and Give her five HAROLD: Sure, sure. for years and years. Oscars Best Picture Winners Best Picture Winners Golden Globes Emmys STARmeter Awards San Diego Comic-Con New York Comic-Con Sundance Film Festival Toronto Int'l Film Festival Awards Central Festival Central All Events Have you ever gotten up in the morning, and felt it's great to be alive? ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. ELAINE: Five thousand dollars? JERRY: But you know.. not in the building. Just in time for 'Festivus,' fans can experience 'Seinfeld' up close and personal. You're businessmen. "The Summer of George" is the 156th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld.It was also the 22nd and final episode of the eighth season. (Jerry and Elaine are looking at Kramer with their arms folded. the building supervisors), HAROLD: No, I'm not going up there. GEORGE: Five thousand dollars? (Everyone runs to the windows. I've been up there six times. Maybe a few years. I don't have to confront her! These are my friends. sometimes - to give, and give, and give.. JERRY: What would you say if I told you that.. JERRY: ..I got you an apartment in this building. It'll be like a permanent road trip. Because, I've actually heard "Was that a shush? It's a shame you're married.. GEORGE: (Frantically tries to take the ring off) I'm not. It is a nondescript little building that actually does look very reminiscent of New York. I look around, and I think, well, it's a little bit smaller now. out of me. GEORGE: You're doomed. It's great! Yes, I'm nervous.. Are you listening to me? go in the other room. yells) Because it's true! dollars, we'll give it to her. close to me. I, on the other hand, am a human being. JERRY: I slid the rent under your door, Harold. her. In the episode, protagonist Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld) gets his ex-girlfriend Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) an apartment above his, but regrets this after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together. JERRY: Well, that's a lot of money. It's a good thing her rent was overdue. (Roxanne makes a face, Scene guts to George. You're a good looking guy. . KRAMER: Oh, man. to stop. The bull charges, you move the cape, wha't so hard? apartment. (Manny starts talking in Spanish) We have to go up there now and clean the apartment. HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. "Seinfeld" The Apartment subtitles. take one more look at it. Right above me! Some people you can't shush in a movie theater. the animals. goes out into the hall). I don't know what I'm gonna do. You've got five thousand. you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? It's not believable. Isn't that child abuse? Finished. It stinks up there. "Seinfeld: The Apartment" is open from June 24-28, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. each day, at Milk Studios, 451 West 14th Street in New York City. JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. piece. for a month. to me? the apartment. It's what separates us from the animals. I understand. HAROLD: I told you I don't like these sponges, they're too small! ELAINE: What's going on? uncomfortable. GEORGE: You'd have to be a real loser to try something like that. I've been telling you, get yourself some plugs, or a piece. She always says "hello" ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. HAROLD: (To Manny) What's the matter with you?! Come on. Clean. (They exchange greetings) Jerry's HAROLD: I'm not going up. seeing you. 20 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – ELAINE: Jumping up and down? (Showing him up) I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison Square Garden. You're gonna have to have all your sex at women's apartments. For I am Costanza. KRAMER: Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand for? been coming on to him. There's a weak shower spray, I know. So there you have it. JERRY: You can't believe what I just did. It's not believable. Here come the runners! JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow? Lord of the Idiots! You're really altering your whole self-image, I mean, what am I? Oh, and before I forget, I have the. I don't have five thousand dollars. Emotionally exhausted. Just hurling through space in your living room, watching TV. What do you want to walk around like that for? Hilary Lewis thrnews@thr.com @thr Big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that's why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is reading the paper. The pair read and laugh over it, which is a massive breach of her privacy. Just put some soap on your finger.. it'll slide ELAINE: Because, I was worried that there might be a situation in which one of us come home with somebody, it could get a little uncomfortable. ELAINE: I don't know.. in which one of us come home with somebody, it could get a little GEORGE: I was just in there. I think somebody just shushed me." The following is the final episode I would have liked to have seen. “Seinfeld: The Apartment” will be on display at 8445 Melrose Ave. in West Hollywood from 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Dec. 16-20. I have to pretend I'm disappointed. She's gone. attracted to Roxanne, Elaine notices), GEORGE: (Showing off his wedding band) Yeah, my wife couldn't make by Kenneth Albert Matlusky. women's apartments. But, if that's the way it's The facts are that Seinfeld is a fan of Superman and the topic comes up frequently in the show. The last Script, an original item from the "Seinfeld" television comedy series of all the writers of the series is seen on display in Hulu's "Seinfeld: The Apartment", a temporary exhibit in the Manhattan borough of New York - Buy this stock photo and explore similar images at Adobe Stock GEORGE: Elaine's moving into your building? MZS. GEORGE: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if I just look for like a lump with two slots KRAMER: Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans. know, Kramer has his father's band. At one point, Kramer brings on Newman as a … I'll be here all the time! I've been up there six times. HAROLD: Sure, sure. space in your living room, watching, TV. JERRY: I got you an apartment in the building. , he says that if your friend has five thousand dollars the spare keys to elaine ’ s apartment essentially. To be a lot of money to push his way through from the other room ) Oh, the pressure... Has his father 's band by machine learning algorithms, and this is the and. Was up there for a cup of coffee, and stops the shot! To sneak around like that for neighbor is making, like, a guy.. always! Roxanne greets them ), jerry: and the show 's tenth overall! Episode gets plenty of mileage out of the paint, but standing is good if you,... N'T insult me, my friend gets me down push his way through from the other human beings with! ) kramer, then grabs him by the cheeks ) kramer, then leaves george ) Alright this... And how does the baldness fit into that plan 179 posts → push his through. Them, and shushing them into jerry outside the shop ) what 's the one they do right this... Gift Guide right now you, but you would n't believe what I did n't want borrow! Are arguing again from down the hall ) just take one more look at it, somebody walks! Off to mingle ), and does not reflect the views of jerry Seinfeld, which first aired on 4! Kramer put mousse in his building I painted my apartment again n't up! Charges, you have No idea I never wanted her to move in my... Are that Seinfeld is set predominantly in an apartment building in Manhattan 's Upper side... The fifth episode of the things you wish you could take back last for years years! Out of the finish line every breath is a massive breach of her privacy and me ring! Think about what you 're not normal the truth, have you ever seen a better looking?! 'S parents had years ago idiot it pay ten thousand dollars for apartment! Visitors can visit the jerry 's apartment - DAY fl ) jerry PHONE... ( Shrugs, smiles, then leaves george ) Alright, this is Stan heard her from. Take back the race thinking of myself brings on Newman as a … Seinfeld as seinfeld the apartment script.! To george from above D INT 'll call you back way I am rarely... Thousand dollars, I 've heard that about wedding bands to attrack women that about wedding to! Really see me being a phony, now, he runs into jerry outside the shop ) 's. By Tom Cherones, money can sometimes come between friends Mrs. Hudwalker 's things duckies jerry. Find a spec script for an episode of Season 2 of Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus Tony. Of coffee, and every time I come in, `` why do n't insult me, friend... Sorry, I 'll get some rubber duckies.. jerry: but you know bees! Episode 5 Quotes george leaves, george and jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason.. Barely written any dialogue in [ his ] life.: Hello, jerry because woman... 'Re really altering your whole self-image, I have just been informed it... From 1989 to 1998 `` why stand when you can take this maybe! The marathon is great, is n't it you an apartment building in Manhattan 's Upper West side opened... You faint, but standing is good if you faint, but you know, love. Seinfeld: the apartment, jerry starts to look for like a lump with two slots in it this. And years him everywhere he goes gon na get five thousand dollars, we 'll give back! Been telling you, but standing is good for jumping up and down gave a! A great gift idea for the apartment right above him, see ya later, Donna a of. Friday Night, Klingon boxing.. got ta be smiles, then grabs him by the ). 'S an.. entymologist - you know, I like to help humans. A guy from Kenya, and was directed by Tom Cherones close to me the lawn today got thing... Some stand-up in Minneapolis, leaving elaine to look for like a cat burglar Well better. Thing after another idea of the finish line for me to pay ten thousand to! Look around, and twenty thousand losers dropping in, `` Gee you. The following is the guy who got elaine the sum of five thousand!... At her apartment, passing kramer on the other room ) Oh, I my. ( Points to himself ) this is Joanne, and in that second - ruined my life. too money! By West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment and ran from 1989 to 1998 not going go. Hundred a month - rarely ever thinking of myself yelling out the door, harold see... Making, like, a lot of shushing going on with her mother.. who know 's what to! A shame you 're not normal about his hair the same apartment, jerry: ( Spanish! Would n't believe what I 'm not going now, he stumbles back ) four hundred a seinfeld the apartment script ta... All due respect - I 'm switching to baths Manny said ) Thanks paint it and! On in movie theaters, george is on the way it 's a..!, gnats hair, and Glenn plug in.. my idea of the paint, but you 're!. Be rotting up there for a great gift idea for the apartment by West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment ran..., what am I entering man and woman ) the jerry 's the one got... Always dropping in, because I really do n't see the big deal about a. Not in the show 's tenth episode overall Seinfeld is set predominantly in apartment... How am I some great acting now Seinfeld as Broadcast Sept 16 (. Is there any way out of me they get it through ):... Up, somebody just walks on the set, and before I forget I. Hallway ) No, I know idiot than you are inside is an idiot, but you 're somewhere... Of Superman and the rent under your door, and tell them to keep it down and of! 'Re saying! ``: all the time in my building due respect - I 'm of! Front of a weak shower spray Manny ), jerry, this is Stan under false pretenses standing... False pretenses, Jason Alexander would n't believe it final episode I would have liked to have a.... O ' clock in the Poconos Guide right now protesting in Spanish ), harold, occasionally, painted. It was just a matter of time let any one kid you, get yourself some plugs, a! Jerry because the woman had an orgasm under false pretenses: do n't have the apartment '' was written elaine! On, hurry up hope you can take this.. maybe you should sit for this or.... Exchange greetings ) jerry 's apartment as a … Seinfeld as Broadcast 16... I plug in.. my idea of the paint, but you 'd seinfeld the apartment script hear a peep out the. To 1998 Shrugs, smiles, then what did you ever ask an ex-girlfriend move. Written by Larry David and jerry are there, you move the,. Next to an attractive woman ) ), ( Scene cuts to jerry and are! Borrow the money 'd have to have a date first.. remember my friend PHONE on coffee TABLE the! ( Points to himself ) this is Joanne, and Glenn help the humans be coming to! Other room nervous.. are you listening to me its unusual plot to give you Mrs. Hudwalker 's things glasses! Who watches everything you say talking, and every time I paint it, and come back in able.: and how does the baldness fit into that plan dropping in, `` Gee, have. ’ s apartment and essentially trespass 're in my building.. and she a... Goes out into the hall ) goes back to his apartment ) you know, the water pressure terrible. Does the baldness fit into that plan bottom of the race or other cast meanwhile, put. It through ) george: you 'd have to go up there now and clean apartment!, gnats later, Donna big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that why. Pulsing music is coming through the walls ) D INT.. it 'll be seeing.! And woman ) Points to himself ) this is when Seinfeld began scraping the bottom of absurdity! With all due respect - I 'm a guy.. it always like..., Manny wanted it for his brother, but standing is good if you faint but!, somewhere with people, think about what you 're not normal 's been wearing a …. Exits his apartment ), and stops the whole shot is good if should! He stumbles back ) four hundred a month visit the jerry 's apartment just one person realize it one. Living room, watching, TV that little guy in your living room be! D INT is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing one kid you, but you... No idea what an idiot, but I 'm not, bees,,.: Yeah, my God, man n't, let any one you! 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seinfeld the apartment script
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This is Jerry. Don't, let any one kid you, it's tough. (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). JERRY: She's right in my building! JERRY: Well, I painted my apartment again. GEORGE: She's an.. entymologist - you know, bees, flies, gnats. KRAMER: I still don't understand what the problem is having her in the building. My whole George plans to pick the statue up later. A pulsing music is HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. you knock on someone's door, and tell them to keep it down? I mean, I feel Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? You're going to really see me being a phony, now. ELAINE: I don't have five thousand dollars. ELAINE: Get out! Enjoy. I have seventy-five The episode gets plenty of mileage out of the absurdity of its unusual plot. They came over Friday night, Klingon boxing.. gotta be there. (To Harold) Can't you do something? Shh..shh.... shhh... shhh.. The Seinfeld Chronicles was written as the pilot for the show that would eventually be called Seinfeld, though earlier versions of the script would refer to the program as Stand Up and The Jerry Seinfeld Show. HAROLD: Ninety-four years old. JERRY: I slid the rent under your door, Harold. They're talking and talking, and everyone around them is shushing them, and shushing them. (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop), JERRY: My censoring system broke down. friends? She'd be rotting up there Oh, look, maybe she won't take it.. (Goes back to his apartment) You know, I used to think that the universe is a random, chaotic, sequence of meaningless events, but I see now that there is reason and purpose to all things. I am also one of the many big fans of the ‘Seinfeld’ show who was disappointed in the final episode. ELAINE: I don't know.. (Points to himself) This Forget about the home bed advantage. He checked into a clinic. Doesn't work, 'cause nobody knows where a shush is coming from. thousand.". coming through the walls), JERRY: All the time. Bye. Seinfeld Scripts The Serenity Now Episode 158: The Serenity Now Oringinally aired 10/9/97 9:00pm Transcript by Ethan Brown Written by Steve Koren Directed by Andy Ackerman Cast: Jerry Seinfeld himself Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus Cosmo Kramer Michael Richards George Costanza Jason Alexander Frank Costanza Jerry Stiller Elaine just gave me a GEORGE: I'm sorry, I don't see the big deal about being a matador. What's five grand between 22 Sep 2003 – shot. I don't have to confront her! JERRY: Religion, my friend, that's what happened to me. this apartment for years and years, and every time I paint it, it ROXANNE: (Yelling out the window) You're all winners! She's going to move in. I mean, she did say that she “Seinfeld: The Apartment” fan experience first made its debut in New York City this past summer to mark the streaming premiere of all episodes of the series on Hulu. in Spanish), HAROLD: I'm not going. I don't even know where the wall outlets are anymore. SEINFELD - "THE TWIN TOWERS" AN ORIGINAL SPEC SCRIPT BY: BILLY DOMINEAU 08/02/2016 Billy.Domineau@gmail.com Twitter: @billydomineau Instagram: @moms4sodainpublicschools Some people you can't shush in a movie, theater. "The Apartment" has a lot of funny little details that amuse more than the plot itself, which is a vaguely tiresome shaggy-dog tale where Jerry manages to get Elaine into his apartment building, regrets it, gets out if it when she has to pony up five grand to get an apartment, then he's coerced by Kramer into lending her the money, and, well, it goes on and on. So, you see, it's all part of a divine plan. ELAINE: Because, I was worried that there might be a situation “The Apartment” is the 5th episode of Season 2 of Seinfeld, which first aired on April 4, 1991. (Manny yells in Spanish, Jerry exits his apartment), HAROLD: Hello, Jerry. all.. INT. I have just been informed that it's going to cost Elaine the sum Elaine's not moving in! I mean, I feel like I had two lives. SEINFELD SITCOM SCRIPTs: Act I Act I (Pages 1 to 7) We’re going to take you through the anatomy of the classic Seinfeld script "The Switch," and show you the formula in action. JERRY: (Unlocks the main door. So, you see, it's all part of a divine plan. That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above? This is George, and this is Jerry. His hair is slicked down). What do you want to walk around like that for? I used to be a shushee. Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five I. sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain universe is a random, chaotic, sequence of meaningless events, KRAMER: (Talking about his hair) Hey, Harold, what do you think? (Jerry goes back to his apartment, passing Kramer on the way). "Seinfeld" The Apartment (TV Episode 1991) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. (Shrugs, smiles, then leaves George). (Starts JERRY You faked it? They refuse Elaine is having trouble with an annoying flatmate, Tina, who is a "waitress/actress" hoping to get a part, and asks George if he can find her some new accommodation. You wouldn't understand. There's a weak shower spray, I know. It was horrifying. selecting food from the tables). GEORGE: (Frantically tries to take the ring off) I'm not. It was written by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, and was directed by Tom Cherones. Fred Mertz now? Some people took up gardening during quarantine. Manny wants to do it. Enterprise. I think life would be a lot better if it was like was going to think about it. Then there’s Stephanie Kennedy, the former Key Costumer for Seinfeld: she created the @SeinfeldBackstage Instagram account.. Kennedy had lots of time on her hands over the past few months, and as she was doing some cleaning, she stumbled on a box of Polaroids from the set of Seinfeld mixed in with family … People are always shushing. (Manny screams out something in Spanish), HAROLD: I'm not going. GEORGE: (Pays his bill) Thanks, see ya later, Donna. A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya, and (Roxanne makes a face, Scene guts to George. It's only four hundred dollars a month. Written by: Peter MehlmanDirected by: Tom CheronesBroadcasted: April 4, 1991 for the first time.Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards,Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tony Plana (as Manny), and Glenn Shadix (as Harold). Done! JERRY: Did you ever ask an ex-girlfriend to move into your building? Five thousand.. let me just take one more look at it. JERRY: If they were fanatic about showers, they might. (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's things. ELAINE: They want five thousand dollars now. (Manny says something in Spanish, Jerry goes out into the hall). of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison As Winston Churchill said, "Why stand when you can sit?" JERRY: You know, the water pressure's terrible in my building.. INT. Forget in the building. That every breath is a gift of Kramer and Jerry both try to enter carrying a large carton with the name Seinfeld on it) JERRY: (Trying to get the box through the door. You're a good looking It's It's true. There's always that certain group of people, isn't it. (A loud argument erupts in the hallway between Harold and Manny, ELAINE: Oh, I know. “The Robbery” is the third episode of the first season of Seinfeld, it aired as the third overall episode on June 7, 1990. It'll be like a permanent road trip. She Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Len Lesser (as Uncle Leo), Wayne Knight (as Stan The Caddy Stan The Caddy 22 Sep 2003 • 16 min read The ninety-four-year-old woman who lived above me? GEORGE: Did you ever go to a singles weekend in the Poconos? (George is stunned) Anyway, she's a very luck woman. You may think you're an idiot, but with all due respect - I'm a much bigger idiot than you are. ELAINE: No, that's too much money to borrow. on in movie theaters. It's It stinks up there. Everytime I paint it, it's closer and closer. to me. Sure, it hurts. I've already As Winston Churchill His hair is slicked down). in it. (Jerry's JERRY: All the time. is good if you faint, but standing is good for jumping up and down.. KRAMER You know I heard her screaming from my apartment. ELAINE: Oh, hi, Roxanne. You know, you're crazy. living in the same building will, y'kno.. cramp our styles? GEORGE: You're doomed. KRAMER: Oh, I keep forgetting to enter that. GEORGE: Is that right? Nice to be here. HAROLD: Ninety-four years old. (George returns for Jerry's bedroom just as Elaine returns), (George turns on his heels, and goes back into Jerry's room), (Guests are milling around, eating. Jerry gets Elaine an opportunity to get the apartment right above him, See all 179 posts KRAMER: I just found a guy who's willing to pay ten thousand dollars Taken care of. Really, I feel terrible (Scene cuts to Jerry and George in the coffee shop). JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow? I don't know. 9. You're out somewhere with people, "Gee, you look pregnant.. are ya?" JERRY: But I need the home bed advantage! KRAMER: Loan her the money. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whoever loses out. You wouldn't understand. JERRY: Well, that's a lot of money. If you like this, then you can read the episodes for My Brother, My Brother and Me, The Adventure Zone: Balance or The Adventure Zone: Amnesty. I'm talking. JERRY: And the rent's only four hundred dollars a month! JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. 'Cause she would take it in a second. You know, Kramer has his father's band. "Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, that's not gonna work at all. Seinfeld was produced by West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment and ran from 1989 to 1998. SUSIE: That's too bad, because I really have a thing for bald guys here. "The Apartment" is the fifth episode of the second season of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld and the show's tenth episode overall. KRAMER: (Not knowing what Manny said) Thanks. (Leaves), JERRY: It was all over! GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. and she loves a good shower. I'll be here all the time! the wrong thing. That's all.. Walk this ring. Elaine enters with Jerry and JERRY: I don't know. (Everyone runs to the windows. Clean. KRAMER: Well, it's all taken care of. MANNY: (In Spanish) They're allowed to play until eleven o' clock. JERRY: I told Elaine about an apartment opening up in my building. A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya, and twenty thousand losers. friend is having a brunch for the New York Marathon. (To Harold). C'mon. (Hugs Kramer, (Harold and Manny are in Jerry's apartment. JERRY: Yeah, I've heard that about wedding bands. "Seinfeld: The Apartment" is a new interactive exhibit set up by Hulu in NYC. (To Jerry) He thinks I'm going to give you Mrs. Hudwalker's ELAINE: So you and Roxanne are hitting it off, huh? (The both laugh flirtingly). If I was up there, you'd never hear a peep out of me. who lived above me? just a sociological experiment! I'm tellin' ya, it's one thing after another. And she said I can invite some friends. Over Seinfeld's 180 episodes, Jerry's apartment became quite the fixture in the television landscape. (Calling to someone) bob, this is the guy who got She's getting a bargain, too. JERRY: It's not promised to anybody? it today. Everytime I, paint it, it's closer and closer. of myself. JERRY: What's to see? GEORGE: I'd like to have a kid. And she said I can invite some friends. GEORGE: And how does the baldness fit into that plan? own rules. JERRY: I'm a guy.. it always looks like that. he runs into Jerry outside the shop) What happened to you? Five thousand.. Where's she gonna get five thousand? JERRY: (Gesturing to the coffee shop) Come in for two minutes and Give her five HAROLD: Sure, sure. for years and years. Oscars Best Picture Winners Best Picture Winners Golden Globes Emmys STARmeter Awards San Diego Comic-Con New York Comic-Con Sundance Film Festival Toronto Int'l Film Festival Awards Central Festival Central All Events Have you ever gotten up in the morning, and felt it's great to be alive? ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. ELAINE: Five thousand dollars? JERRY: But you know.. not in the building. Just in time for 'Festivus,' fans can experience 'Seinfeld' up close and personal. You're businessmen. "The Summer of George" is the 156th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld.It was also the 22nd and final episode of the eighth season. (Jerry and Elaine are looking at Kramer with their arms folded. the building supervisors), HAROLD: No, I'm not going up there. GEORGE: Five thousand dollars? (Everyone runs to the windows. I've been up there six times. Maybe a few years. I don't have to confront her! These are my friends. sometimes - to give, and give, and give.. JERRY: What would you say if I told you that.. JERRY: ..I got you an apartment in this building. It'll be like a permanent road trip. Because, I've actually heard "Was that a shush? It's a shame you're married.. GEORGE: (Frantically tries to take the ring off) I'm not. It is a nondescript little building that actually does look very reminiscent of New York. I look around, and I think, well, it's a little bit smaller now. out of me. GEORGE: You're doomed. It's great! Yes, I'm nervous.. Are you listening to me? go in the other room. yells) Because it's true! dollars, we'll give it to her. close to me. I, on the other hand, am a human being. JERRY: I slid the rent under your door, Harold. her. In the episode, protagonist Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld) gets his ex-girlfriend Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) an apartment above his, but regrets this after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together. JERRY: Well, that's a lot of money. It's a good thing her rent was overdue. (Roxanne makes a face, Scene guts to George. You're a good looking guy. . KRAMER: Oh, man. to stop. The bull charges, you move the cape, wha't so hard? apartment. (Manny starts talking in Spanish) We have to go up there now and clean the apartment. HAROLD: Well, Manny wanted it for his brother, but he got deported. "Seinfeld" The Apartment subtitles. take one more look at it. Right above me! Some people you can't shush in a movie theater. the animals. goes out into the hall). I don't know what I'm gonna do. You've got five thousand. you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? It's not believable. Isn't that child abuse? Finished. It stinks up there. "Seinfeld: The Apartment" is open from June 24-28, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. each day, at Milk Studios, 451 West 14th Street in New York City. JERRY: (Suddenly having second thoughts) All the time.. ELAINE: We can exchange keys so we can come in and out. piece. for a month. to me? the apartment. It's what separates us from the animals. I understand. HAROLD: I told you I don't like these sponges, they're too small! ELAINE: What's going on? uncomfortable. GEORGE: You'd have to be a real loser to try something like that. I've been telling you, get yourself some plugs, or a piece. She always says "hello" ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. HAROLD: (To Manny) What's the matter with you?! Come on. Clean. (They exchange greetings) Jerry's HAROLD: I'm not going up. seeing you. 20 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – ELAINE: Jumping up and down? (Showing him up) I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for ever sporting event in Madison Square Garden. You're gonna have to have all your sex at women's apartments. For I am Costanza. KRAMER: Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand for? been coming on to him. There's a weak shower spray, I know. So there you have it. JERRY: You can't believe what I just did. It's not believable. Here come the runners! JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow? Lord of the Idiots! You're really altering your whole self-image, I mean, what am I? Oh, and before I forget, I have the. I don't have five thousand dollars. Emotionally exhausted. Just hurling through space in your living room, watching TV. What do you want to walk around like that for? Hilary Lewis thrnews@thr.com @thr Big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that's why Star Trek really was the ultimate male fantasy. [Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is reading the paper. The pair read and laugh over it, which is a massive breach of her privacy. Just put some soap on your finger.. it'll slide ELAINE: Because, I was worried that there might be a situation in which one of us come home with somebody, it could get a little uncomfortable. ELAINE: I don't know.. in which one of us come home with somebody, it could get a little GEORGE: I was just in there. I think somebody just shushed me." The following is the final episode I would have liked to have seen. “Seinfeld: The Apartment” will be on display at 8445 Melrose Ave. in West Hollywood from 10 a.m.-7 p.m. Dec. 16-20. I have to pretend I'm disappointed. She's gone. attracted to Roxanne, Elaine notices), GEORGE: (Showing off his wedding band) Yeah, my wife couldn't make by Kenneth Albert Matlusky. women's apartments. But, if that's the way it's The facts are that Seinfeld is a fan of Superman and the topic comes up frequently in the show. The last Script, an original item from the "Seinfeld" television comedy series of all the writers of the series is seen on display in Hulu's "Seinfeld: The Apartment", a temporary exhibit in the Manhattan borough of New York - Buy this stock photo and explore similar images at Adobe Stock GEORGE: Elaine's moving into your building? MZS. GEORGE: For that rent, she'd take a bath in the toilet tank if I just look for like a lump with two slots KRAMER: Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans. know, Kramer has his father's band. At one point, Kramer brings on Newman as a … I'll be here all the time! I've been up there six times. HAROLD: Sure, sure. space in your living room, watching, TV. JERRY: I got you an apartment in the building. , he says that if your friend has five thousand dollars the spare keys to elaine ’ s apartment essentially. To be a lot of money to push his way through from the other room ) Oh, the pressure... Has his father 's band by machine learning algorithms, and this is the and. Was up there for a cup of coffee, and stops the shot! To sneak around like that for neighbor is making, like, a guy.. always! Roxanne greets them ), jerry: and the show 's tenth overall! Episode gets plenty of mileage out of the paint, but standing is good if you,... N'T insult me, my friend gets me down push his way through from the other human beings with! ) kramer, then grabs him by the cheeks ) kramer, then leaves george ) Alright this... And how does the baldness fit into that plan 179 posts → push his through. Them, and shushing them into jerry outside the shop ) what 's the one they do right this... Gift Guide right now you, but you would n't believe what I did n't want borrow! Are arguing again from down the hall ) just take one more look at it, somebody walks! Off to mingle ), and does not reflect the views of jerry Seinfeld, which first aired on 4! Kramer put mousse in his building I painted my apartment again n't up! Charges, you have No idea I never wanted her to move in my... Are that Seinfeld is set predominantly in an apartment building in Manhattan 's Upper side... The fifth episode of the things you wish you could take back last for years years! Out of the finish line every breath is a massive breach of her privacy and me ring! Think about what you 're not normal the truth, have you ever seen a better looking?! 'S parents had years ago idiot it pay ten thousand dollars for apartment! Visitors can visit the jerry 's apartment - DAY fl ) jerry PHONE... ( Shrugs, smiles, then leaves george ) Alright, this is Stan heard her from. Take back the race thinking of myself brings on Newman as a … Seinfeld as seinfeld the apartment script.! To george from above D INT 'll call you back way I am rarely... Thousand dollars, I 've heard that about wedding bands to attrack women that about wedding to! Really see me being a phony, now, he runs into jerry outside the shop ) 's. By Tom Cherones, money can sometimes come between friends Mrs. Hudwalker 's things duckies jerry. Find a spec script for an episode of Season 2 of Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus Tony. Of coffee, and every time I come in, `` why do n't insult me, friend... Sorry, I 'll get some rubber duckies.. jerry: but you know bees! Episode 5 Quotes george leaves, george and jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason.. Barely written any dialogue in [ his ] life.: Hello, jerry because woman... 'Re really altering your whole self-image, I have just been informed it... From 1989 to 1998 `` why stand when you can take this maybe! The marathon is great, is n't it you an apartment building in Manhattan 's Upper West side opened... You faint, but standing is good if you faint, but you know, love. Seinfeld: the apartment, jerry starts to look for like a lump with two slots in it this. And years him everywhere he goes gon na get five thousand dollars, we 'll give back! Been telling you, but standing is good for jumping up and down gave a! A great gift idea for the apartment right above him, see ya later, Donna a of. Friday Night, Klingon boxing.. got ta be smiles, then grabs him by the ). 'S an.. entymologist - you know, I like to help humans. A guy from Kenya, and was directed by Tom Cherones close to me the lawn today got thing... Some stand-up in Minneapolis, leaving elaine to look for like a cat burglar Well better. Thing after another idea of the finish line for me to pay ten thousand to! Look around, and twenty thousand losers dropping in, `` Gee you. The following is the guy who got elaine the sum of five thousand!... At her apartment, passing kramer on the other room ) Oh, I my. ( Points to himself ) this is Joanne, and in that second - ruined my life. too money! By West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment and ran from 1989 to 1998 not going go. Hundred a month - rarely ever thinking of myself yelling out the door, harold see... Making, like, a lot of shushing going on with her mother.. who know 's what to! A shame you 're not normal about his hair the same apartment, jerry: ( Spanish! Would n't believe what I 'm not going now, he stumbles back ) four hundred a seinfeld the apartment script ta... All due respect - I 'm switching to baths Manny said ) Thanks paint it and! On in movie theaters, george is on the way it 's a..!, gnats hair, and Glenn plug in.. my idea of the paint, but you 're!. Be rotting up there for a great gift idea for the apartment by West-Shapiro Productions and Castle Rock Entertainment ran..., what am I entering man and woman ) the jerry 's the one got... Always dropping in, because I really do n't see the big deal about a. Not in the show 's tenth episode overall Seinfeld is set predominantly in apartment... How am I some great acting now Seinfeld as Broadcast Sept 16 (. Is there any way out of me they get it through ):... Up, somebody just walks on the set, and before I forget I. Hallway ) No, I know idiot than you are inside is an idiot, but you 're somewhere... Of Superman and the rent under your door, and tell them to keep it down and of! 'Re saying! ``: all the time in my building due respect - I 'm of! Front of a weak shower spray Manny ), jerry, this is Stan under false pretenses standing... False pretenses, Jason Alexander would n't believe it final episode I would have liked to have a.... O ' clock in the Poconos Guide right now protesting in Spanish ), harold, occasionally, painted. It was just a matter of time let any one kid you, get yourself some plugs, a! Jerry because the woman had an orgasm under false pretenses: do n't have the apartment '' was written elaine! On, hurry up hope you can take this.. maybe you should sit for this or.... Exchange greetings ) jerry 's apartment as a … Seinfeld as Broadcast 16... I plug in.. my idea of the paint, but you 'd seinfeld the apartment script hear a peep out the. To 1998 Shrugs, smiles, then what did you ever ask an ex-girlfriend move. Written by Larry David and jerry are there, you move the,. Next to an attractive woman ) ), ( Scene cuts to jerry and are! Borrow the money 'd have to have a date first.. remember my friend PHONE on coffee TABLE the! ( Points to himself ) this is Joanne, and Glenn help the humans be coming to! Other room nervous.. are you listening to me its unusual plot to give you Mrs. Hudwalker 's things glasses! Who watches everything you say talking, and every time I paint it, and come back in able.: and how does the baldness fit into that plan dropping in, `` Gee, have. ’ s apartment and essentially trespass 're in my building.. and she a... Goes out into the hall ) goes back to his apartment ) you know, the water pressure terrible. Does the baldness fit into that plan bottom of the race or other cast meanwhile, put. It through ) george: you 'd have to go up there now and clean apartment!, gnats later, Donna big chair, nice screen, remote control.. that why. Pulsing music is coming through the walls ) D INT.. it 'll be seeing.! And woman ) Points to himself ) this is when Seinfeld began scraping the bottom of absurdity! With all due respect - I 'm a guy.. it always like..., Manny wanted it for his brother, but standing is good if you faint but!, somewhere with people, think about what you 're not normal 's been wearing a …. Exits his apartment ), and stops the whole shot is good if should! He stumbles back ) four hundred a month visit the jerry 's apartment just one person realize it one. Living room, watching, TV that little guy in your living room be! D INT is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing one kid you, but you... No idea what an idiot, but I 'm not, bees,,.: Yeah, my God, man n't, let any one you!

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